Thoughts on things like that instead of a veil for a wedding?
Because frankly I love it. They also have a white/ivory ones that I would wear for the ceremony, and then something like this for the reception!
Thoughts anyone?
Filed under: 2008, life, love, memories, Mr. Wonderful, The Pursuit of Happiness | Tags: marriage, Top of the Rock engagements
Ok so Mr. Wonderful proposed Saturday night at Top of the Rock overlooking all of NYC, specifically the Empire State building.
And here is what he offered up in hopes I’d say yes.
So for any people who this means anything to reading this…. We’ll be adding ourselves to the long list of D/T weddings. 
But what if you don’t want there to be? What if you just want the past to be just that, past? a post over at This could Take Awhile got me thinking about my own past. And how really I would just like parts of it to recede into simple memories.
Make no mistake, I don’t regret any of it. I would make the same choices again. I am a forgiving person and a half asses people pleaser. But lately I’ve started to wonder why people can’t be the same way. Specifically people I want and need in my life. Why hang on to the miniscule problems or missteps. You only miss out on the fun things in the end.
You miss out on fun times, and one shot memories, graduations, and first cars, and mother’s day, and, and, and, and……
I live my life in the present with a good memory and an open heart.
Filed under: life, love, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: ending of an era, jackie, weddings
Filed under: life, love, ME, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: 5 going on 40, misplaced dreams
Over the past weekend, one of my best friends from high school got married. The first one of our clan. And while I talk to the rest of them only very rarely, it seems so strange to me that anyone that I hung out with every day, is taking the next step in life.
Someone said to me recently that the celebration of graduating college should be at your own personal moment of realization. It seems to me that I haven’t really yet had that ‘realization’. But her wedding was just so surreal. It was like it wasn’t happening, until it was.
Does anyone else have this feeling that life is just sort of going on around them? Until all of a sudden something is happening, and you’re snapped back into real life only to find yourself ten steps farther ahead in life than you were, with no real recollection of how you got there. Like you too a nap when you were 6 and now you’re 22.
Filed under: 2008, life, love, ME, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: book of life, chapters, pages
Losing, loss, life, fighting, wanting, yearning, missing; things I know about.
Acceptance, love, holding, forward movement; things I know a bit about.
Finding myself, realization; things I know very little about.
As of late, I’ve been on a hunt, a journey, a quest, a mission if you will, to find, me. Thats not to say I feel as if I’ve lost myself. On the contrary, I believe that in the last few years I have emerged for the first time as a true, at least truer, version of myself.
I guess self (re-) evaluation is common place, at a time in life when you find yourself closing one chapter completely, yet desperately stuck between pages trying to start the next. Wondering if maybe you’re reading this book too fast, wanting to go back and re-read the best parts. Rip out the pages that you wish you hadn’t even looked at, and thinking, “what if I could just read the last few pages to find out how it all ends, so that the rest of the story makes more sense”.
I have always devoured books, pushed through them to move on to the next. And up til now I’m realizing I’ve lead my short 21 years in the same manner. With the pages slowly turning towards this new chapter of life, I’m starting to slow things down, to linger over the language, savor the vocabulary, and admire the author as she writes out these inner monologues, and soap box rants.
There are always stories that you wish would never end. That you wish the author would just keep coming up with story line for, and if you’re lucky you feel the same way about your personal novel. I’m starting to realize that my apprehension with pulling apart stuck pages, is that I worry my book will be over too soon. That I’ll blink and be 17 pages from the end. So I’m keeping myself in a state of wonder about what the next chapter holds. If the main character has made the right choices thus far, and what she’ll do in the upcoming decades, what happens to the other characters, can she do it without them, and, and and and and.
My mind goes a mile a minute about the next chapter, and then the story keeps me up at night, having gone from a harmless folk tale to a horror mystery giving little girls nightmares, and keeping me up at night, helplessly grasping at paper trying to pry them apart without them incurring damage.
And then he smiles at me, or my dog licks my face, or my mom calls, and the edges loosen a little bit.
I may not be ready to turn them just yet, but maybe with a little heat, and love they could be coaxed open.
Filed under: 2008, life, love, ME, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: Then and Now
Originally poasted November 8, 2003 on an old blog.
<i> I am… on a quest for understanding
I want… things I can’t have
I have… life
I wish…I could make you see what I see and make you understand
I hate… less than most think I do.
I fear… More than I let on
I still search… for love, for a reason
I still wonder about… the future.
I regret… nothing
I love… him, you
I still always… dance instead of march to my own beat
I still am not… your keeper
I dance… through life
I sing… to keep my mind off al I’ve fucked up
I still cry… when no ones looking.
I still am not always… happy.
I still write… to people in other places reading this on their computer screen
I win… less often than not
I lose… More than I would like to take count of.
I still confuse…Most people I know
I still am confused by… you
I need… a clear idea of whats going on right now.
</i>
Today’s answers are in bold
I am… on a quest for understanding <b> I’m reasonably sure I’ll never full get this, but thats ok. </b>
I want… things I can’t have <b> To take comfort in growing up, and moving on instead of being uneasy with it</b>
I have… life <b> The beginnings of a ‘family’ of my own….Who ever would have thought </b>
I wish…I could make you see what I see and make you understand <b> I’ll always want this. </b>
I hate… less than most think I do. <b> Stupidity. And how people grow apart, how little I can remember about things that used to encompass my life, and that I’m doing well </b>
I fear… More than I let on <b> Getting old, my choices, the known </b>
I still search… for love, for a reason <b> For a balance in love, money, time, life, wants, needs….</b>
I still wonder about… the future.<b> Ditto kid, ditto </b>
I regret… nothing <b> Somethings never change</b>
I love… him, you <b> ME! You, my dog, my carved out place </b>
I still always… dance instead of march to my own beat <b> Play my music too loud, sing off key, laugh </b>
I still am not… your keeper <b> Your scape goat. I’ve stopped. </b>
I dance… through life<b> In my kitchen, in the car, at work, mentally, to my own music </b>
I sing… to keep my mind off al I’ve fucked up <b> Too loud. </b>
I still cry… when no ones looking.<b> For people gone astray, misplaced loves, friends, sisters </b>
I still am not always… happy. <b> Content </b>
I still write… to people in other places reading this on their computer screen <b> To ease my mind </b>
I win… less often than not <b> When I can </b>
I lose… More than I would like to take count of. <b> I’m what you call unlucky </b>
I still confuse…Most people I know <b> Myself </b>
I still am confused by… you <b> The way the world works, what makes people do what the do, where I’m headed, what I’m doing, where I’m at. Him. </b>
I need… a clear idea of whats going on right now. <b> Your love </b>
But hey, I bought it a week before Christmas and beggars cant be choosers. So Tuesday night we put our few lights on it, Where whole chunks of tree have no lights, and we hung our 20 so odd ornaments on it.
Our house smells like a forest, and I’m in love, and wishing it could be Christmas time all year. Tuesday afternoon, I trudged home with a Christmas tree, about 2 feet taller than I wanted it to be.
And suddenly, its no longer just an apartment, it feels like a home. Which is something I’ve had trouble accomplishing. But now, at night with the christmas lights around the windows, and on the tree on. Its cozy, and warm, and somewhat like something you would see in a movie.
Black Jack is thoroughly intrigued by the pine rope that I hung around the kitchen doorway, he just stands there and smells it, and smiles at me. Mr. Wonderful, seemed pleased with my decorating, and helped to put ornaments on the tree. I know these little things mean more to me than it does to him, but he humors me. And keeps right up with me, and I love him for that.
I’m going to finish up some shopping today for Stocking stuffers and little things. But thats about it. And then I’m going to wrap and wrap and wrap some more.
Merry Christmas all
Its nearing Christmas, and I am starting to stress a little. I was recently informed that Mr. Wonderful will not be joining me on Christmas Eve. I’m not mad at him, really I’m not. I’m just upset. I want to share the holidays with him. I was gladly ready to trek back up to Long Island on Christmas day for his family. However his grandmother recently decided that she was going to spend Christmas day with her boyfriend so Christmas day is um well cancelled for his family and moved to that Thursday, a day on which I need to be in Manhattan doing overnight work calls for Times Square New Years Eve.
Which is another post entirely.
Am I allowed to be upset by this? I mean I’d like to think that we’re going to be together for the long haul. Marriage even? Maybe? I’m jinxing myself I can feel it. But this leads me to ask; Will we be splitting up for the holidays from here on out?
