Between a rock and a hard place


Confessions of a New Yorker 4

Dear Internet, 

 

I have a confession to make. I have a ridiculously guilty pleasure. His name is Billy Ray Cyrus. Thats right. Billy Ray Cyrus. Ever since I was about 6 and heard this song on the radio 

 

 

Apparently I danced around in the river behind my grandparents house in my bathing suit singing it. 

 

Until this 

 

Don’t hate me.

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Confessions of a New Yorker #3
April 15, 2008, 8:04 am
Filed under: 2008, Confessions of a New Yorker, life

I have bumped into your car while trying to paralell park.

Yes its true, I’m one of those chuckle fucks that will accidentally bump into someone’s car

when I get home

from work at 2AM and really just reallly don’t want to park 4 blocks away from my building.

Instead I take my recently repaired car that is not a huge car but is by no means a lil bitty thing either. But I’ll be damned if I can’t squeeze that thing into a spot made for a KIA Spectra if I have to . It took me months before I could paralell park

in one shot. I’m from Jersey for cryin’ out loud, I paralell parked on my driving test and then never did it again.

However, I am not at all bothered by this action of mine any longer.  At first I was mortified and would get out and thoroughly inspect for damage to the violated vehicle. That is until I witnessed the following

A) Someone peeing on my car

B) Someone else bumping into my car

C) My tail light was broken due to the asshat with the SUV who sits by the front door of the building and waits for someone to move from their spot right in front of the building so that he may retrieve his giant SUV from wherever it was currently parked immediately and move it to directly in front of said building. And seriously I’ve never seen a fat man run so fast.

The final straw was in fact my tail light bein broken. At that point I stopped minding the un-offensive bump into the car in front of or behind me. I never do damage. And if I did I would hold myself accountable for it.

But until such a time. If you live in the Bronx, you might want to invest in this