Filed under: 2008, thoughts | Tags: Get in the way back machine, kennedy center honors, throw back to the way back
I mean seriously did anyone/is anyone watching them? I feel as if we have been transported back to the early 90s or the late 80s. The bold face standard type white font on the title screen, the back drop behind Caroline Kenndy during her opening speech. Its just all so odd, and retro.
I’ll have to try and find some pictures to accompany this post.
EDIT: For example
Filed under: life, love, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: ending of an era, jackie, weddings
Filed under: life, love, ME, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: 5 going on 40, misplaced dreams
Over the past weekend, one of my best friends from high school got married. The first one of our clan. And while I talk to the rest of them only very rarely, it seems so strange to me that anyone that I hung out with every day, is taking the next step in life.
Someone said to me recently that the celebration of graduating college should be at your own personal moment of realization. It seems to me that I haven’t really yet had that ‘realization’. But her wedding was just so surreal. It was like it wasn’t happening, until it was.
Does anyone else have this feeling that life is just sort of going on around them? Until all of a sudden something is happening, and you’re snapped back into real life only to find yourself ten steps farther ahead in life than you were, with no real recollection of how you got there. Like you too a nap when you were 6 and now you’re 22.
Filed under: 2008, life, love, ME, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: book of life, chapters, pages
Losing, loss, life, fighting, wanting, yearning, missing; things I know about.
Acceptance, love, holding, forward movement; things I know a bit about.
Finding myself, realization; things I know very little about.
As of late, I’ve been on a hunt, a journey, a quest, a mission if you will, to find, me. Thats not to say I feel as if I’ve lost myself. On the contrary, I believe that in the last few years I have emerged for the first time as a true, at least truer, version of myself.
I guess self (re-) evaluation is common place, at a time in life when you find yourself closing one chapter completely, yet desperately stuck between pages trying to start the next. Wondering if maybe you’re reading this book too fast, wanting to go back and re-read the best parts. Rip out the pages that you wish you hadn’t even looked at, and thinking, “what if I could just read the last few pages to find out how it all ends, so that the rest of the story makes more sense”.
I have always devoured books, pushed through them to move on to the next. And up til now I’m realizing I’ve lead my short 21 years in the same manner. With the pages slowly turning towards this new chapter of life, I’m starting to slow things down, to linger over the language, savor the vocabulary, and admire the author as she writes out these inner monologues, and soap box rants.
There are always stories that you wish would never end. That you wish the author would just keep coming up with story line for, and if you’re lucky you feel the same way about your personal novel. I’m starting to realize that my apprehension with pulling apart stuck pages, is that I worry my book will be over too soon. That I’ll blink and be 17 pages from the end. So I’m keeping myself in a state of wonder about what the next chapter holds. If the main character has made the right choices thus far, and what she’ll do in the upcoming decades, what happens to the other characters, can she do it without them, and, and and and and.
My mind goes a mile a minute about the next chapter, and then the story keeps me up at night, having gone from a harmless folk tale to a horror mystery giving little girls nightmares, and keeping me up at night, helplessly grasping at paper trying to pry them apart without them incurring damage.
And then he smiles at me, or my dog licks my face, or my mom calls, and the edges loosen a little bit.
I may not be ready to turn them just yet, but maybe with a little heat, and love they could be coaxed open.
Filed under: 2008, life, love, ME, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: Then and Now
Originally poasted November 8, 2003 on an old blog.
<i> I am… on a quest for understanding
I want… things I can’t have
I have… life
I wish…I could make you see what I see and make you understand
I hate… less than most think I do.
I fear… More than I let on
I still search… for love, for a reason
I still wonder about… the future.
I regret… nothing
I love… him, you
I still always… dance instead of march to my own beat
I still am not… your keeper
I dance… through life
I sing… to keep my mind off al I’ve fucked up
I still cry… when no ones looking.
I still am not always… happy.
I still write… to people in other places reading this on their computer screen
I win… less often than not
I lose… More than I would like to take count of.
I still confuse…Most people I know
I still am confused by… you
I need… a clear idea of whats going on right now.
Today’s answers are in bold
I am… on a quest for understanding <b> I’m reasonably sure I’ll never full get this, but thats ok. </b>
I want… things I can’t have <b> To take comfort in growing up, and moving on instead of being uneasy with it</b>
I have… life <b> The beginnings of a ‘family’ of my own….Who ever would have thought </b>
I wish…I could make you see what I see and make you understand <b> I’ll always want this. </b>
I hate… less than most think I do. <b> Stupidity. And how people grow apart, how little I can remember about things that used to encompass my life, and that I’m doing well </b>
I fear… More than I let on <b> Getting old, my choices, the known </b>
I still search… for love, for a reason <b> For a balance in love, money, time, life, wants, needs….</b>
I still wonder about… the future.<b> Ditto kid, ditto </b>
I regret… nothing <b> 🙂 Somethings never change</b>
I love… him, you <b> ME! You, my dog, my carved out place </b>
I still always… dance instead of march to my own beat <b> Play my music too loud, sing off key, laugh </b>
I still am not… your keeper <b> Your scape goat. I’ve stopped. </b>
I dance… through life<b> In my kitchen, in the car, at work, mentally, to my own music </b>
I sing… to keep my mind off al I’ve fucked up <b> Too loud. </b>
I still cry… when no ones looking.<b> For people gone astray, misplaced loves, friends, sisters </b>
I still am not always… happy. <b> Content </b>
I still write… to people in other places reading this on their computer screen <b> To ease my mind </b>
I win… less often than not <b> When I can </b>
I lose… More than I would like to take count of. <b> I’m what you call unlucky </b>
I still confuse…Most people I know <b> Myself </b>
I still am confused by… you <b> The way the world works, what makes people do what the do, where I’m headed, what I’m doing, where I’m at. Him. </b>
I need… a clear idea of whats going on right now. <b> Your love </b>
So my survival of fashion week, was minimal. Frankly, it.kicked.my.ass. That having been said, it was a great experience, and really my first uber professional entrance into this industry. It was a good learning experience. And it definitely helped my abilities as a Production Manager, and a Lighting Director. New England was eh. good crews in New Hampshire. Meh, not great, down home guy in Maine. But it all worked out, I’m back in New York, I’ll be in Vermont with them next weekend, and then Connecticut. And maybe, perhaps, possibly, a little bit, sorta, hopefully, if-ily, on a month long European tour with them in the fall. But thats so up in the air, it might as well be in orbit. That having been said, anyone who stops by this blog should make their way over to www.rudecactus.com, or www.sothefishsaid.com and congratulate them on their new addition to the family, Owen Gregory.
I just read a post over at www.thekitchn.com about the advent of Whole Foods starting to discontinue plastic bags. I think its a great idea. What annoyed me about this article, is the fact that some many people are whining about how, they will no longer have garbage bags, or any way to carry their lunch to work, or to empty their litter boxes into. Now seriously people. I have a garbage can that needs garbage bags, I get garbage bags, and when this box of bags is gone I plan on buying biodegradable bags, I take my lunch to work with me every day. In a lunch box, or one of my smaller grocery bags, no need for a plastic bag from the grocery store, and lastly I have a dog, who pardon the expression, poops. And you know what I have little biodegradable bags in a little dog bone attached to his leash. So people stop whining. Go out and buy the biodegradable kind of bags, bring your grocery totes to the store with you, and help out.