Between a rock and a hard place

Starting ’09 with a bang
January 5, 2009, 6:43 pm
Filed under: 2009, flashback, lighting, memories, theatre | Tags: ,

A friend of mine passed away last night. From a sudden heart attack. He was in his mid fifties. His name was Ed, and he was the most influential person in my career thus far, taught me a lot of what I know of the ‘business of the business’. 


Oh and I never met him in person. 


He called me back in 2005 on December 30th, when someone bailed on him for the New Years Eve in Times Square event, and asked me how long it would take me to get to New York City, and from then on out we were friends. We worked on the same gig, three times, and yet never once met each other face to face. 


How odd I know. 


Having him as a reference got me hired 4 times, and 2 of those jobs have led me to where I find myself today. How funny that a friendship, should grow across a 30 year age gap and the internet that would be so great. Ed believed that as the ‘Old Salt’ in the industry it was his job to help the younger ones figure out how it all worked. 


Thank you Ed, I’ll never forget the things you’ve done for me without even looking at me. And I promise to do the same when its my turn to be the ‘old salt’


Breaking my self imposed silence
November 7, 2008, 10:25 pm
Filed under: 2008, life, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness | Tags: ,

About two weeks ago, I lost someone very near and dear to my heart, left us, left this world, and went wherever you believe souls go. I’ve known him since I was 6 making our friendship just about 16 years long, the longest of my life. 


Its been a long time coming, and was no real ‘shock or surprise’ to those close to him. But it doesn’t, didn’t, won’t make it any easier to have him gone. Since the time he was 7 he had always beaten the odds the doctors would put before him, I guess I just figured he would just keep on beating them. But people get tired, life takes its toll on a soul, and eventually all good things come to an end. Just as Stevie did. 


To say that Stevie was a kind hearted person would be a drastic understatement, Steve was one of the best guys, nay, men I have ever met. He accepted that this was to be his future, a young passing, but at 27 was more worried about the grief it would cause those close to him, something I can’t fathom. The idea of dying, I’ll admit, makes my stomach knotty, but I’ve never stopped to think about how it would affect anyone around me if in 5 years at 27 I was to pass, as Steve did. 


I would love to say I’ve accepted his passing at the circle of life, or just the ending of a life. But I can’t tell you that internet. I am angry. 


I am angry, and pissed, and mad as hell. Horrible people get to live long, strong, lives to 70,80, 90. But this beautiful man doesn’t even make it to 30? How is that fair>??? And please don’t feed me the “Life isn’t fair” line, for I am well aware that life isn’t fair. But c’mon! Its times like these that make me question my faith in a higher power. What is he trying to tell us? Live your life well and do right by my and my people, and you too will be handsomely rewarded with an early death? 


I’m angry that people who turned their backs on him when he needed people around him most, talked badly of him, and called him incompetent because he no longer had the strength to do things, suddenly were his best friends, making phone calls, and sending out emails in his honor. Fuck you I say. Fuck you. Telling me at the funeral that I was a good friend to him. I don’t need your justification. 


I’m mad and hurt and sad. And in all of this I’m standing at a a funeral, watching my sister comfort others, being comforted by others, ignoring us and awkwardly hugging me as if I’m some stranger asking for too much on a first date. I’m watching people I spent every waking moment with in high school ignore me, because of some horrible atrocity I’ve supposedly commited against this sister. People that not two years ago, she sat crying in my arms because they had spread lies and rumors about her. Deserted her when her luck was gone and her heart was broken. 


And I sat there with my heart breaking in so many different ways, for the loss of a dear dear friend, the loss of love, the loss of a sister, the loss of honesty, and for the wonderment of it all. As to how we got here, how we get away from it, and the price of the gas to get there. So angry at myself for worrying so much about my feelings, and how these people were breaking my heart, when I should have been feeling for Steve, for his mother, his father, his two sisters. 


And then the fire alarm went off. And I looked to the sky and told Steve he was an ass, that he just had to have to last say. As if to say chin up Dani, life isn’t all that serious. 




Steven “Stevie G” Tooth

December 14, 1981-October 27, 2008

Life is too short, but it goes on. 

The rock at Top of the Rock

Ok so Mr. Wonderful proposed Saturday night at Top of the Rock overlooking all of NYC, specifically the Empire State building. 


And here is what he offered up in hopes I’d say yes. 


So for any people who this means anything to reading this…. We’ll be adding ourselves to the long list of D/T weddings. 🙂

I had a feeling 21 was gonna be a good year…
September 25, 2008, 5:01 pm
Filed under: 2008, life, ME, memories | Tags: , ,

And it was, and will be for another week. I’ll enter my 22nd year next Saturday. And 21 was indeed a good year. 


I saw the end of college and the beginning of the next step in my life.


We got a dog, who has infected our life with love and laughter. We moved into our second apartment, I started my life as a Local 1 stagehand, and the list goes on. I’m one year stronger, older, wiser, happier, content, and ready. 


I’m ready for 22. I’ve got a feeling 22 is gonna be a good year.

A blast from the past…
August 7, 2008, 7:45 pm
Filed under: life, love, ME, memories

But what if you don’t want there to be? What if you just want the past to be just that, past? a post over at This could Take Awhile got me thinking about my own past. And how really I would just like parts of it to recede into simple memories. 


Make no mistake, I don’t regret any of it. I would make the same choices again. I am a forgiving person and a half asses people pleaser. But lately I’ve started to wonder why people can’t be the same way. Specifically people I want and need in my life. Why hang on to the miniscule problems or missteps. You only miss out on the fun things in the end. 


You miss out on fun times, and one shot memories, graduations, and first cars, and mother’s day, and, and, and, and……


I live my life in the present with a good memory and an open heart.

Today at work…
August 4, 2008, 6:29 pm
Filed under: 2008, life, memories, work, Work related harm | Tags: , ,

I stabbed one of these

Into one of these


And for the first time in my life, got some of these


Its a beautiful day to be Dani folks.

The beginning of a life……
June 29, 2008, 8:04 pm
Filed under: life, love, memories, The Pursuit of Happiness, thoughts | Tags: , ,